Success?

Ok so I was offered and accepted a job at a new center nearby. I can't believe I'm returning to the world of corporate bull. I said when I left the last s---hole that I'd never work in one again unless I was management but here I am, unable to get OUT of the Infant Room. Don't get me wrong...I'm happy to work with babies and get to sit and rock with them and create my own way of doing things and stuff. I just hope this one turns out better than the last.

Feeling numb this week. Been going for PT for my foot since April for tendonitis and I thought it was better but over weekend the pain came back. I'm so frustrated and annoyed! Sneakers everyday now to make sure it wasn't sandals that did the new damage. Not sure if I can take Celebrex while on my meds...going to call doctor tomorrow or pharmacy to find out.

So many things going through my head to put here. I'm just really feeling off this week. I don't want to work but I have to so that's part of the issue. I enjoy sitting at home and basically doing whatever I want but reality is kicking in and I need to help support my family.

Will write more next week after starting...please let this work out.

Until then!
Amy

A month later

So I went for my 1st Med Check appointment since starting medicine. I had all these things I wanted to say to the dr but I just didn't. She asked how everything was going and I told her that I have some really bad days and some ok days. It's just so hard to stay positive and FORCE myself to be happy around others. It's hardest on the weekends. I don't know why, maybe it's because my hubby is there with me and I feel bad that we don't "do" anything but I just have no desire to do anything and thinking of things to do makes it worse.

I had 2 interviews last week and I was supposed to hear back on Friday and it's now Monday and still no word so that's really frustrating. I am really excited about either opportunity and I know that the right one will come along but it's just so hard to wait. Going to call the one back in a bit and see what they say, if there's any word on a decision to hire me or not. I just want to know at this point.

Ok so I just called. According to receptionist, they got my message from the weekend but hasn't called me back yet. She's on a tour (the director I need to speak with) so hopefully she'll follow up with me later today. It would be such welcome news to hear. I'm not READY to go back to work but I NEED to go back to work and I think my mood will improve and my outlook on things will improve.

Thanks for this diary of sorts and if you read this, please pray for me.

Until next time,
Amy

Today

So today I actually wrote in a journal. I've decided to keep track of my food and how I feel especially if I'm having a moment where I don't feel right. So tonight I'm sitting on the couch watching TV, Paul's sleeping in chair next to me and I just felt ODD. I don't know how else to describe the feeling. It's just not enjoyable. I didn't feel sad or weepy, I just felt empty...if that makes any sense. I don't know. I'm just trying to make it through the day and find a job and feel that I'm contributing to my family again. I'm hopeful that once something permanent returns, my feelings of worth will return. I do have to say my hubby is the best. He is really supportive and still wants to be with me and that helps (more than he realizes). Not much else going on today...thanks for being here for me to talk to.

Amy

Beginning

Someone once said that it helps to put your thoughts down on paper and that is a way for you to heal or to express things that you can't put into words. So since it's 2010, here I am, putting my thoughts down on 'paper' and basically finding out if this will help.

Who I am? I'm just me. I'm happily married and love my family

Why start a blog? Recently I lost my job and have been searching for another to help pay the bills but also stimulates me and is flexible to work with my grad school schedule (not so easy).

So I'm writing all this down because I need an outlet and I can type faster than writing and just feel this is what I want to do...try new things.

After losing my FT nanny job in April, I secured a PT job in May but lost that (thanks economy) in June so since then I've been dealing with a lot of emotions dealing with feeling that I can't get a job to sadness and depression. A recent possible job prospect led me to get a physical and when I talked to my dr, she suggested medication to help. I didn't realize HOW bad I felt until after starting the medication. It's been a week and I have moments where I feel like me and feel good and feel positive and then the lows hit. Example: I hadn't left the house in 2 straight days until this afternoon because I HAD to (had class tonight) and when I opened the door to leave, froze in a near panic about leaving the house. I mean, I hadn't even bothered to get cleaned up or anything until noon and sleeping, forget it, I've been sleeping 10 hours a night (as compared to 6 pre-medicine) and even napping during the day. Since beginning the meds, I've only had 1 "breakdown" and cry-fest which lately is good. I'd been in tears nearly daily and just so sad and so down (even while I was in the PT gig...which I hated by the way and the kids were DEFINITELY not helpful to my emotional state)...hope they don't read this!

Guess that's it for now. As more develops or things progess, I'll return...trying to use this as a 'journal'.

Don't worry, Be Happy!
Amy