So today I actually wrote in a journal. I've decided to keep track of my food and how I feel especially if I'm having a moment where I don't feel right. So tonight I'm sitting on the couch watching TV, Paul's sleeping in chair next to me and I just felt ODD. I don't know how else to describe the feeling. It's just not enjoyable. I didn't feel sad or weepy, I just felt empty...if that makes any sense. I don't know. I'm just trying to make it through the day and find a job and feel that I'm contributing to my family again. I'm hopeful that once something permanent returns, my feelings of worth will return. I do have to say my hubby is the best. He is really supportive and still wants to be with me and that helps (more than he realizes). Not much else going on today...thanks for being here for me to talk to.
Amy
Monday, July 26, 2010
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Beginning
Someone once said that it helps to put your thoughts down on paper and that is a way for you to heal or to express things that you can't put into words. So since it's 2010, here I am, putting my thoughts down on 'paper' and basically finding out if this will help.
Who I am? I'm just me. I'm happily married and love my family
Why start a blog? Recently I lost my job and have been searching for another to help pay the bills but also stimulates me and is flexible to work with my grad school schedule (not so easy).
So I'm writing all this down because I need an outlet and I can type faster than writing and just feel this is what I want to do...try new things.
After losing my FT nanny job in April, I secured a PT job in May but lost that (thanks economy) in June so since then I've been dealing with a lot of emotions dealing with feeling that I can't get a job to sadness and depression. A recent possible job prospect led me to get a physical and when I talked to my dr, she suggested medication to help. I didn't realize HOW bad I felt until after starting the medication. It's been a week and I have moments where I feel like me and feel good and feel positive and then the lows hit. Example: I hadn't left the house in 2 straight days until this afternoon because I HAD to (had class tonight) and when I opened the door to leave, froze in a near panic about leaving the house. I mean, I hadn't even bothered to get cleaned up or anything until noon and sleeping, forget it, I've been sleeping 10 hours a night (as compared to 6 pre-medicine) and even napping during the day. Since beginning the meds, I've only had 1 "breakdown" and cry-fest which lately is good. I'd been in tears nearly daily and just so sad and so down (even while I was in the PT gig...which I hated by the way and the kids were DEFINITELY not helpful to my emotional state)...hope they don't read this!
Guess that's it for now. As more develops or things progess, I'll return...trying to use this as a 'journal'.
Don't worry, Be Happy!
Amy
Who I am? I'm just me. I'm happily married and love my family
Why start a blog? Recently I lost my job and have been searching for another to help pay the bills but also stimulates me and is flexible to work with my grad school schedule (not so easy).
So I'm writing all this down because I need an outlet and I can type faster than writing and just feel this is what I want to do...try new things.
After losing my FT nanny job in April, I secured a PT job in May but lost that (thanks economy) in June so since then I've been dealing with a lot of emotions dealing with feeling that I can't get a job to sadness and depression. A recent possible job prospect led me to get a physical and when I talked to my dr, she suggested medication to help. I didn't realize HOW bad I felt until after starting the medication. It's been a week and I have moments where I feel like me and feel good and feel positive and then the lows hit. Example: I hadn't left the house in 2 straight days until this afternoon because I HAD to (had class tonight) and when I opened the door to leave, froze in a near panic about leaving the house. I mean, I hadn't even bothered to get cleaned up or anything until noon and sleeping, forget it, I've been sleeping 10 hours a night (as compared to 6 pre-medicine) and even napping during the day. Since beginning the meds, I've only had 1 "breakdown" and cry-fest which lately is good. I'd been in tears nearly daily and just so sad and so down (even while I was in the PT gig...which I hated by the way and the kids were DEFINITELY not helpful to my emotional state)...hope they don't read this!
Guess that's it for now. As more develops or things progess, I'll return...trying to use this as a 'journal'.
Don't worry, Be Happy!
Amy
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